While anger can serve to protect and defend you in specific situations, it is also something that can destroy you. Chronic anger does not make you strong and safe. It weakens you. It encourages you to attack others. Anger begets anger, so the more anger you release means the more anger that will be unleashed back on you. Proverbs 25: 28 tells us that, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” Uncontrolled anger instead of protecting us is actually leaving us unprotected and vulnerable to attack.
The scripture in Ephesians 4:31 goes to great lengths to spell out how anger can become a destructive force. The text clearly says to get rid of all anger. It is not saying that you won’t feel anger, but it is clearly saying once you do, to get rid of it. Anger here means, that which springs up from personal animosity and temper. Get rid of bitterness, a resentful spirit that refuses reconciliation. Get rid of rage, that sharp temper that is explosive. Get rid of brawling, the loud noisy assertions of an angry person that demands that everyone listen to their grievance. Get rid of every form of malice. I think it is interesting that the scripture says that there is more than one form of malice. Malice is all of the bad feelings that lead us to speak and to do evil against another person.
In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do
not give the devil a foothold. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you
were sealed for the day of redemption. Ephesians 4:26, 27 &30
We can see from the scriptures that dealing with our anger actually takes work. It is going to require that we get rid of some negative emotions. We will have to learn how to access the fruit of the Spirit, self control. We will need to understand that we have to limit how long we will allow ourselves the feelings of anger. God tells us that we can be angry and not sin if we learn to process that anger and let it go. We also have to recognize that dealing with our anger has great spiritual ramifications. Unresolved anger can give the devil a foot hold and uncontrolled anger can leave us like a city whose walls are broken down. Unresolved anger can grieve the Holy Spirit and hinder our relationship with God and with others.
Exercise... Dealing with Anger
1. Sit comfortably in a relaxed position. Ask the Holy Spirit to come and take charge of the time. Pray and spend time with God in a safe place. You want to be able to deal with the volatile feelings of anger in a safe place with God.
2. Ask God to bring to your mind scenes, events, or persons where you have unresolved anger. Record this information in your journal. Just jot down the names and events.
3. Allow the feelings to come to the surface, Feel free to cry, hit your pillow, write out your feelings, yell, play music and sing.
4. Continue pounding your pillow, yelling, crying, or writing until you feel satisfied. Many of the feelings of anger are unreasonable and make us feel silly and childish. This is the time to let those feelings get up and out.
5. After you have felt an emotional release ask the Holy Spirit to come. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill your mind and your spirit. At this point you want to begin to use your reason and the truth of God’s word to come and impact the feelings, persons and situations that are related to your anger.
6. Begin to allow yourself to forgive those situations, events or persons for what happened to you. Do not proceed to the next step until you can feel some healing and forgiveness be released at this point. If you do not feel like you can extend forgiveness do not become discouraged. It just means you need to spend more time in the earlier steps. Perhaps you have shut down the emotions and cannot access the feelings. Perhaps you need to find a trusted friend and walk through the steps with another person.
7. After releasing forgiveness, it is a good time to understand with God’s help, how anger has gotten such control in your life. Ask God to fill you with His Spirit and with self control. Ask yourself these questions.
8. What makes me angry? Who usually makes me angry? What ‘hot buttons’ are likely to arouse my anger? How do I usually express my anger? Do I have a healthy expression of anger? What inhibits my ability to express anger? Where are my problems with anger rooted?
9. Spend some time just feeling peace with God.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every
form of malice. Ephesians 4:31
A fool gives full vent to his anger but a wise man keeps himself under control. Prov. 29:11
Discussion Questions for Growth Groups
1. One author defines "anger" as "the emotional signal that you experience when you feel that you have a goal that is being blocked."
Think through an anger issue in your life. What would you say is the goal that is being blocked? Is this goal worth holding onto?
2. Ephesians 4:26 (“In your anger do not sin”) seems to distinguish between sinful anger and legitimate anger. Can you tell when anger in your life is righteous and when it is sinful?
3. Ephesians 4.26 says, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Do you believe this is a good rule of thumb on how long to hold onto anger? If you were angry with someone, what steps would you take, or should you take, to deal with the anger?
4. Remember Jim Rudd’s illustration about peeling the orange (removing a hard outer protective shell, revealing a soft inward part). Do you think bitterness can be self-protective? Could this be why so many people hang on to bitterness for so long?
5. Do you believe anger can contribute to physical ailments like back and neck pain, anxiety, high blood pressure, being overweight, hemorrhoids, sleeplessness?
